DR. WALLACE: I want to go to a good college and get a good career job so that before I plan to start a family someday, I'll be on a good financial path to do this comfortably.
My boyfriend, who is a good guy, works a manual labor job and thinks my college dreams are pure fantasy. In fact, he wants me to marry him this fall and start having kids right away. One of my concerns is that he has changed jobs twice since I've known him over the past eight months, so I'm not so sure he can provide us with enough stable income to do this right now.
And by the way, he's 20 and I'll be 19 in September. What do you think? — Want to Go to College, via email
WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE: Your college goal seems plausible and logical to me, and given your respective ages, I see no reason to rush into having a family right now.
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Each relationship is unique and requires teamwork and compromise to succeed. Talk things over with him with this as a backdrop and perhaps the two of you will be able to structure a game plan for your lives rather than just "winging it" by having children before the two of you have secured your financial future together.
I FREEZE UP AND WANT TO GO HOME
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and I know I should be dating by now. But my problem is that I'm really shy, so shy that I freeze up whenever I'm around someone I don't know.
When this happens, I feel like I wish I was safe at home so that I could just go to my room and close the door on the world. I know this is not healthy, but I'm unsure what to do about it. I've asked a few of my friends, but they don't have this problem, so their suggestions don't apply to me and aren't even realistic.
This summer is going by fast and I'd sure like to go out on a few dates with a guy or two. But the way things look, I'll be back at school this fall having still never been out on a real date. And by the way, my parents allowed me to date when I turned 16, but that was almost four months ago, and I'm still stuck at zero dates. Help! — Too Shy for My Own Good, via email
TOO SHY FOR MY OWN GOOD: Take things in stages, rather than trying to become gregarious all at once. Small but important incremental steps will bring you closer to your goal and help you to build confidence along the way.
Perhaps you can start by going to your local mall or some retail store near your home or school. Find a person working at a store who looks interesting and think of a good and logical question to ask about the store or some of its products.
Walk up to this person, look them directly in the eyes, smile slightly and in a pleasant tone of voice, ask your question. Once you get the answer, again make direct eye contact, smile slightly again and tell that person "Thank you very much" for the assistance and then slowly turn and walk out of the store or the section. Do this a few times each opportunity you get and slowly but surely, you'll build confidence in holding slightly longer conversations. Stick with it and before long you'll find that speaking with a stranger can be enjoyable rather than something to fear. And the more people you meet, the more likely it'll be that you're either asked out on a date sometime, or "set up" on a date by someone who has enjoyed meeting you and would like to introduce you to a suitable date for your age.